Hurry Nanny...Things Are Grim...

The classic version:

Wanted a nanny for two adorable children

If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sort
You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel
Never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a son and daughter
And never smell of barley water
If you won't scold and dominate us
We will never give you cause to hate us
We won't hide your spectacles
So you can't see
Put toads in your bed
Or pepper in your tea
Hurry, Nanny!

The 'mod' version:

If you wish to be our sitter,
Please be sweet and never bitter.
Help us with math and book reports
Might I add - eat my shorts!
If Maggie's fussy, dont avoid her
Let me get away with moider!
Teach us songs and magic tricks,
Might I add - no fat chicks!
The nanny we want is kindly and sage
And one who will work for minimum wage.
Hurry nanny, things are grim,
I'll do it!
Anyone but him.