the way it was

i anxiously wait for boobah to wake up so that i can head to my WW meeting. only to hop on the scale and have my heart stop for that one brief second in the hopes that the woman behind the counter will look up at me and smile and say CONGRATULATIONS you've lost another X number of lbs!! you must have had a good week! but im feeling heavy today so i'm more counting on the following response "are your sunglasses heavy?" translation...maybe if you took them off of your head i could shave off a milli-tenth of a pound so you wouldn't feel like such a failure this week. because honey...you didn't lose anything. oh and by the way...i suggest you lay off the brownie sundaes...even if it was mother's day!

but i digress...

i feel guilty for most likely having to go up and wake the boobah so that i can make it to the meeting and weigh in on time...but ive got another 30 minutes or so before i have to do that and she's already been asleep for an hour. so i guess i won't feel that bad. i suppose it's not as bad as my mother. who would routinely pick me up from elementary school and plop me on a barstool at My Place - this seedy, dark, mostly-windowless establishment at 3 in the afternoon. i really didn't know any better. i just thought that all kids got to gorge themselves silly on all the Shirley Temples and potato sticks they could. but what did i know...i was only in the second grade!!

but then i think...hmmmm...WW meeting vs. dive bar...

its a clear choice...but alas...i still feel bad...i feel bad because it's doing something that i need to do for me...but i also overanalyze everything that involves her because i want it to all be great for her...and not be about me...but she the blue hairs go nuts over her as do the other moms that go to this meeting so she's still the bell of the ball ;)