Watering hole

so i tried to convince my husband to let me join the local country club for the summer...a family membership costs a mere $1450 a summer. and that includes a lot. but with the arrival of the boobah this year, me leaving work, as well as the new puppy...we just can't swing it. sooooooooo...i went in search of a local, cheap, swimming alternative. and i found it!! thanks to our neighbor Carver. there is a park with a manmade pond in a nearby town. so we went and checked it out and it rocks. it's treated and cleaned by the town and nicely maintained. it's got a small beach, grassy areas, a nice playground, docks in the water, and a snackbar. so i've found our cheap hangout this summer. it's a little deliciously poor white trash but nothing that i can't handle. hey...rich white trash is what hangs out at the CC so i'd get it either way.

i went there with a fellow mommy friend and her son and it was a smashing good time! we swam and played in the sand and enjoyed the GORGEOUS weather that we've been graced with. i also went back this weekend with my husband and the boobah. oh it's going to be a fabulous summer...i can tell already!!

Peek A Boo

so you would think that her 73 year old GREAT-grandmother would want nothing more than to hold her great-grand-daughter and play with her. after all..73 is very young to be a GGmother. or so mine keeps telling EVERYONE who will listen. form the clerk at CVS, to every waiter, waitress, and hostess around, to every associate at Chico's, as well as random people on the street. but no...she's just content to sit back and watch me do all the work while she gets to brag all about her. its odd really...if she ever does hold her...it's because i ask her to for a minute while i get her things together as we're ready to leave whatever restaurant we've just had lunch in. she's never changed a diaper, an outfit, she's NEVER actually played with her. she only chants the following to her...

gaamie loves you
loves you
loves you
gammie loves you
loves you
loves you

over and over and over again.

its like she can't think of anything better to say to her. and boobah just looks at her and her crypt keeper appearance as if to say "what in the world are you talkin about lady?"

it's quite a sight.

so i've determined that she loves her...but more importantly to her is that she loves the IDEA of her rather than having to actually take care of her.

now that im 32 i finally understand why my mother and aunt were so FKD up!!

The Doctah

she's titled that b/c she claimes to have her Phd in something...psychology...but you'd be damned to know it. she uses the Dr. title as if she were an MD. she LOVES it. uses it when it suits her needs...restaurant reservations, drs appts, her answering machine, checks and credit cards, when introducing herself, on stationery and cards. anywhere that someone could notice and ask about it. it makes her feel important and feeds on the gigantic ego that she's got. she really does think shes the queen bee matriarch of all time. and we're going to visit her today. hell...it's easier than her coming here. smoking her carlton menthol 12o's around my baby and making outrageous claims like she invented the question mark. (ok so that's a line from Austin Powers) but STILL. she's that nutty. let's see...things that she's claimed over the years that i know for a fact are out and out lies...

*she went to law school - ok..it just didnt happen
*she met fidel castro...yes...for real...she sticks to that story-aye dios mio
*she dated 3 of the most wealthy men in Boston - in the 70's - and they all asked her to marry them...despite the fact that she was a single mother with 3 kids
*she's the best mother in the world - "i did everything for those girls!!"
*i've been nothing but nice to everyone! so...why won't they take my trash out?
*i'm no bother to anyone!

There are easily 1,000 more but i'll have to update as time goes on...

yeowch!

so who knew that after almost 8 blissful months of successful and wonderful breastfeeding that it might all have to end so fast? the boobah now has 2 teeth. her 2 bottom teeth and they are like 2 razors. she's bit me 4 times total over the past week and everytime she does it i yelp and scare the shit out of her. we don't ever yell in my house so she's just not used to raised voices. so the poor girl instantly stares at me with those big, beautiful, innocent eyes totally freaked out and then starts to cry. so i start to cry. not necessarily because it hurts (and it REALLY hurts) but because i feel so guilty and horrible that i've scared her. so after this fiasco last night, i got her to bed per usual and realized that i was in a horrible funk. i feel this pit inside of my stomach like i've done something wrong...yet i haven't. but i can't explain this feeling...i had hoped to breastfeed her for a year so i wouldn't have to use formula but if it keeps happening i'll have to. because now everytime i feed her i'm tense, waiting for her to bite.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

and then there were 5

so as if life weren't chaotic enough...we've got the puppy. Kate...Kate Spade to be exact. i wanted Coco Chanel but my husband, even with his spare ovary, wasn't having any of that. he doesn't really have a spare ovary...well he doesn't have any ovaries actually...but he's so good at being a girl's guy that Alouicious determined that he MUST have an ovary floating around in him somewhere to make him so good with women. god bless him...he can sit and listen to us talk about tampax, episiotomies, UTIs, the latest hemlines, who Paris Hilton is marrying and how much cleavage she's showing and just about any other girlie discussion. he truly is my star. i don't know where i would be if i didn't have him for the last 14 years of my life. i know i wouldn't be as lucky as i am to be sitting here right now. god knows where i would have ended up. i owe a lot to him...and i love him. as i say to boobah every night before she goes to bed...

*i love you more than all the stars in the sky
*i love you more than all the waves in the ocean
*i love you more than all of the grains of sand on the beach
*i love you more than all of the blades of grass, leaves and trees in the forest
*i love you more than all of the snowflakes that fall each winter
*i love you more than all of the raindrops in the sky
*i love you more than anything

and one of the most favorite things he's ever said in all the years i've known him. we were falling asleep 2 friday nights ago after the puppy had been delivered...and all chaos insued...the inlaws were here, boobah didn't want to go to sleep, billy-dog didn't know why there was a miniature one running around peeing everwhere...crazy, crazy, crazy...

as we're falling asleep he mutters...

and then there were 5...