new words II

pokey stick - how she likes to eat her peaches / banana (pokey stick = toothpick)
applepus = octopus
puddingstone
iguana
newt
koala

bye you = love you
mano = tomato
tough one = hard to climb stairs or anything else she has difficulty with


we brought a crack chicken, american chop suey and cupcakes over to sheree's today. today is the first day alone after having ciaran. so far, so good. im keeping my fingers crossed and throwing many blessed and wonderful thoughts into the universe for her that it stays this calm.

new words

so the Boobah is 2...and the Boy is 7.5 months...its astounding...

she's taking up a storm and he's getting bigger as the days go on!!

bayoon = balloon...some days its ballmoon...but mostly bayoon...
uck=truck
ock=rock
ilk=milk
tybaby=tybaby
shirt,pants,jacket
ock=sock
urple=puple
P I N K = said very definitively...so ridiculously cute
beeeeeeeeeeeeeee=buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - the sound that bugs make
yogo=yogurt
pitzie=pizza

i mean SERIOUSLY!!!

new things that ill write about more when i have time but dont want to forget:

1. she's gone from calling me mama to momeeeeeee...i almost die from sweetness every time i hear it

2. she sings the end of the mailbox song from Blues Clues and it CRACKS me up...MAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!

3. they are angelic..they let me grocery shop AND go to target today to get LOTS of stuff that we needed...

4. he's napping 2-3 hour stints twice daily and going about 12 hours a night...

um...somewhere SHIT is happening! cause it ain't in my house!!!

when you're a teenage girl hanging out with your friends in your room always involves lounging around on your pillows on your belly gabbing away for hours.

my almost 2 year old just grabbed my comfy denim couch lounging pillows and did that exact thing on the den floor whist watching Blues Clues...

i can't stand how ridiculously adorable she is sometimes...

i just realized that i stink like baby vomit and i just got back from running errands. it marvels me how unaffected i am by this fact.

today has been fabu!

she: napped from 9-11
he: napped from 930-1230

me: scrubbed and mopped the kitchen
me: vacuumed
me: put copious amounts of toys away
me: made mini turkey meatballs and homemade red sauce
me: ran errands
me: tired but happy that its friday!

thats about it for now...

oh and the boy is exactly 6 months old today...holy crow the time F L I E S ! ! !

now i have to go see if he'll go down for another nap....

There's always room for Jello...

as my dad says about his dad...

he's 90 and lives in an assisted living situation...and it amazes my dad that no matter what drama is going on...the elderly always want their dessert!

Yeah, Yeah

i know its aug 30th and i havent posted in over a month and a half....but im tryin to get back into it...

i think this one deserves a post...

my great friend L from my former job was with this great guy and has been for the last 5 years. until 2 weeks ago. and i find it very sad because they were a great couple...just not right for each other. im sad for both of them. they were beautiful together. but they just didnt have that *spark*. you know the spark. hard to find but once you do - its fantastic. sometimes it fades but it's always there. unfortunately, it was never there for them to begin with. they tried really hard to get it...but my friend realized that it was never going to come.

i love her and respect her dearly for getting out before they got married. im throwing thoughts into the universe for both of them to be happy and eventually find what they're looking for.

i absolutely cannot believe that its july 9th. we've got hubby's company picnic today and the boy is 4 months and 1 day old. boobah continues to grow and talk and become more beautiful as the days go on.

so much to catch up on so im just going to bullet

1. did you know that there are people out there that 'forget' to have their kids vaccinated? ya...that's what i said...but apparently it happens. the receptionist at Fish's office told me. totally disturbing.
2. my friend christina is having her c-section on monday and we're all ready to welcome little Paige!!
3. i have both of my kids on the same nap schedule now...yeah me!
4. my 13 week old boy weighs almost 17 lbs...the boobah weighs in at 25...and she's 21 months old...can someone explain that to me?
5. im thinking about having an ice cream party for her birthday this year...
6. we're going to visit the llamas on friday!
7. we've got Babypalooza here...elephant pool, water table, sandbox - complete with rainbow canopy cover, giant swingset and various rideable toys.
8. we've even got an indoor slide for rainy days
9. she wears camo shorts, construction boots, a white ruffly tshirt and a pink bow in her hair...and i cant even stand it
10. the boy smiles like it's his job and sleeps completely through the night
11. uncle ethan is coming to visit from CA for 10 days in July and i can't wait
12. the Doctah is still in the rehab center after being hit by a car...but that's a story for another day
13. i love summer
14. i love walking both kids and the dog
15. im constantly coming up with business ideas that will SOMEDAY come to fruition

Ridle Me This..

if we didnt evolve from apes...then why do men have nipples?

take THAT creationism!

Memorial Day

• i love play yard building
• i love planning a party
• i love sunworshipping - even if i am wearing 45 sunblock
• i love rosewood's chocolate chocolate and mint chip ice cream - courtesy of the Walshe's
• i love deviled eggs - courtesy of Mrs. Mentz - they are super spectacular - 1 ate 5
• i love my naked tan daughter - who pooped on the deck
• i love my sweaty, 16 pound meatloaf of a son
• i love vodka tonics - and not nursing
• i love the buzz in the house - in the air - the day of a party
• i love the 9.99 elephant pool that i got at target
• i love the swingset that the Doctah bought the kids that my GORGEOUS FABULOUS husband put together with his bare hands for 17 hours this holiday weekend
• i love my friends and their husbands and their children...im very lucky
  

Fuckin' Dog Toys!

do you have ANY idea how much stepping on a prechewed dog toy hurts????

The Long Way Home

Well I stumbled in the darkness
I'm lost and alone
Though I said I'd go before us
And show the way back home
Is there a light up ahead
I can't hold onto very long
Forgive me pretty baby but I always take the long way home

Money's just something you throw
Off the back of a train
Got a handful of lightening
A hat full of rain
And I know that I said
I'd never do it again
And I love you pretty baby but I always take the long way home

I put food on the table
And roof overhead
But I'd trade it all tomorrow
For The highway instead
Watch your back if I should tell
Your loves the only thing I've ever known
One thing for sure pretty baby I always take the long way home

You know I love you baby
More than the whole wide world
I'm your woman
You know you are my pearl
Let's go out past the party lights
We can finally be alone

Come with me and we can take the long way home
Come with me, together we can take the long way home
Come with me, together we can take the long way home

=============================================

so it was about 1:45 and as i was driving from one of my multiple Target trips i put on Norah. i look in the backseat at my darling Boobah who is almost 20 months old and my newbie 11 week old (who concequently is about 16 lbs) and they both look sleepy. norah helps keep them sleepy and since it was close to nap time it was the best choice. i put on track 11...the long way home. and for the first time, in the 1000 + times that ive listened to it, it spoke to me. i dont know why now and never before-but it did. it reminded me of the hundreds of times my husband and i would take the longest way home so we could have just a few more minutes together.

we're coming up on our 15 year anniversary of being 'together'. we met the summer that i graduated high school and he had just completed his first year of college. i fell and fell hard. i loved him from the second i laid eyes on him and haven't stopped. and as i looked in the backseat of my car at our TWO children it throws me back to the days when i used to sit in health sciences class in the overpowering auditorium as a freshman in college and scribble my name over and over, on the back of my 5 subject, with his last name - truly hoping that we'd get married someday. i didnt want children back them but i knew that we'd have them. someday. id always ask him if he thought we'd get married. and he would always say "i hope so, someday".

it amazes me that we are now living SOMEDAY.

we lived with our parents in the summertime and thankfully we only lived about 20 minutes apart. but it was difficult to find any alone time. so we'd go out some nights and just drive. because we had just about no money so there was little else to do. we'd always take the longest way possible home so that we could just be together that much longer. and then after he'd drop me off and go home he'd call me and we'd spend more time together on the phone.

when we were in school, barring any major event, we spent every weekend together - despite the 2 hour drive. he'd come get me and bring me to him or id hop on the bus and enjoy the 4 hour ride. it became easier once i got my own car and could go whenever i wanted. and i did. sometimes not leaving for an entire week and a half. i couldnt bear to part with him. it physically made my chest ache. the best was in the springtime when id get there on fridays there'd be gin and tonics on the front porch of his fraternity. most times we never got my bags out of the car until saturday because we'd just sit and enjoy and were too drunk before we knew it to bother! wed hack, drink, sit in the sun and just enjoy.

i get overwhelmed by the memories sometimes and they make me cry. not in a sad way. but i realize how truly and unbelievably lucky we are to have each other. how much a part of each others lives we are and always have been. i truly dont remember anything before him. bits and pieces of a pretty crappy childhood and a pissy adolescence but other that nothing. it's been so long i dont remember a time before him...and quite honestly...im thankful. he's always been there to ground me and to be my anchor. to be my true love...

im so glad to have our stories...and i look forward to telling them to our two adorable children again and again. and to reminice with my husband and get teary eyed every time that we do.

Roly Poly

my 11 week old weighs in at approximately 16 lbs...should i be worried? i think he's already on a quest for world domination.

Real Quick...

do nuns shave?

What You Don't Know...

i read this in a magazine somewhere...it saved me on some days and i love it. i pass it on to you...

1. once you've been up for 49 nights in a row, labor and delivery seem as taxing as a pedicure. don't waste time worrying about the circles etched under your eyes; instead, relish midnight snacks and the occasional catnap.

2. just because your baby is a natural-born nurser doesn't mean your breasts are up for the job. if you can stick it out, your nipples will eventually toughen up, and then the whole thing becomes matter-of-fact. in the meantime, it might help to remember that the world's greatest guitarists started out with more than a few calluses.

3. maternity leave is really, really short. and those first precious months are a time to recuperate. feeding, changing, clothing, and loving a newborn are shockingly all-consuming tasks. so do them proudly, and do little else.

4. i love my babies so much that it scares me.

5. breasts are remarkably expandable things.

6. your body will eventually bounce back. and your mind will finally measure its worth by something other than a dress size.

7. the first few months can be a blur of nostalgia, memories, and sentimentality. ive heard from other mothers that we pull from this deep well forever, just with a smaller bucket.

8. the world cracks open into a vast universe of mothers and fathers, dying to share their excitement over my new joy, and the joy their children bring to them.

9. i am not my mother. or my father. and my instincts to mother my daughter and my son in my own way are, thankfully, just that - instinctive.

10. you'll be just fine, too.

Angus??

when boobah used to scream in the car...and believe me...she could scream...we'd put Norah Jones on and she'd almost immediately calm down and fall asleep.

the boy does the same...except not to Norah...but to AC/DC's 'Highway to Hell'. i almost drove off the road i was laughing so hard.

damn...i love these kids.

IUD

so if you'll refer back to my post from 9/30/2005 the title of this entry will make much sense. so i had the mirena iud put in one month ago - and i had it removed yesterday. the effectiveness of it unfortunately does not outweigh the bleeding and cramping that i've had for the last month.

so its now out. and im still contemplating what to do about BC. i've been weaning my s0n onto a bottle with formula for various reasons so the OB gave me a script for the pill. let me clarify..my old pill. the one i took for 15 years before i had either of my children. i think its really my only option. so ill get it and take it every day at the same time.

and ill take my friend ralph's philosophy of "one foot on the floor" a little bit more serious ;)

cross your fingers and toes for me. b/c if i got pregnant again...OY!

Got Milk?

Boobah and Rio

best girlfriends...and they are SOOOOOOOOOOO cute and well behaved. The Fabulous Miss Rio was here in the am and through lunch and nap. They played together with Melissa the Babysitter. They ate lunch together and they napped at the same time. Boobah in her crib and The Fabulous Miss Rio in the PNP in my bedroom.

I love how they co-exist together. Not quite playing together 'yet' but I can see it coming soon. Boobah is the grabber and goes and helps herself to whatever Rio has if she sees fit that it's time for her to have it. *note - a habit which I despise and work hard at changing. But I digress...

Rio has the BEST maneauver for Boobah's grabby hands. She clutches tightly to her chest whatever the coveted item is and extends the free arm as if to fend off Boobah all the while turning away from whatever direction she's coming from. It's a clear move right out of the Patriots handbook if I ever saw one. She's a clever girl and I love her madly!

The Fish

Our pedi is Dr. Zoe Singer-Fishman...and she is FANTASTIC. We call her The Fish for short. She is easy to talk to, reassuring, proactive and really, really smart. She's also really, super funny. She's blunt and direct. And that's the stuff I love about her. She doesn't mince words and she tells it like it is...my kind of lady.

So we had The Newbie's 2 month appt yesterday and I figure...I can take both him and Boobah and it'll be fine. And it was fine. It was actually funny. But I did leave feeling a bit like I sprouted 50,000 gray hairs.

I got her snack/toy bag all packed up...because now, you see, not only do I carry a diaper bag but I also carry a separate, albeit small, cooler type lunch bag filled with pretzels, drinks, natural cheetos, fruit leather, and raisins. Did I say it was a small bag? But wait...it also has 2 or 3 books, a mini magnadoodle, paper and crayons, and some finger puppets.

So we get to the office and she makes a beeline for the toy area. It's a good toy area. They have wall mounted bead mazes and faux cars that you can pretend to drive. And lots of books. She also likes to take off down the hall towards the exam rooms. So while I'm checking in, she's doing her Tazmanian Devil routine all around the place. Oh and she's smiling and waving at everyone that will look at her. She really is TOO CUTE.

We get taken early, which is a blessing b/c our appt was for 145 and lord knows how she gets when her routine is affected and since she naps at 2...I was pushing it. We go in around 1 ish and we wait for a few minutes. In those few - and I do mean FEW minutes she seizes her opportunity to SEEK AND DESTROY! I mean SEEK AND MAKE A MESS! She opened every cupboard and drawer and before my very eyes - while I'm trying to undress The Boy - she starts pilfering through diapers, drapes, urine cups, plastic syringes, tongue depressors, and cotton swabs. Climbing on every chair in the exam room, under the exam table, on top of the exam table and behind the exam table. She also realized that she is just tall enough to reach the L shaped door handle and bolt out into the hallway. But while I'm undressing The Boy, I've cleverly got my foot pinned up against the door so she can't open it. BUT she can get it just so she can squeeze her pudgy baby fingers into the space between the door and frame enough for it to hurt.

So by now The Fish is with us and I'm trying to ask and answer questions and discuss The Boy's progress all the while Boobah is now rifling through my not to big but not to small cooler type bag. She is quite graciously offering snacks, drinks, toys and books to The Fish.

I barely remember anything about the talking part of the appt. But I do know that The Boy is 13/1 and 23-3/4. 61% and 64% respectively. I'm pleased.

And then there were the shots...Boobah saw them coming...knew they weren't for her...but cried anyways. She ran to me and buried her head in my lap and sobbed. I was also holding The Boy for this first and painful series of shots while he screamed. The sound was deafening. And the nurse was trying to explain something to me about if a fever starts, tylenol, pain, swelling...WHAT??? I couldn't hear shit. The crying was so loud I wouldn't have been able to hear a dumptruck driving through a nitroglycerine plant! But I've done this before so I know the drill.

The RNs leave the room and I start to pack up. Which was funny. I was just stuffing things, into my formerly perfectly Tetris-style packed bags, wherever they would fit. She's crying, he's crying - I'm sweating and practically crying myself. Ok - we're done...I have both bags over one shoulder, her on one hip and him in the carrier on the other arm. And the receptionist had the NERVE to ask me as I started moving towards the main door in a rush if I wanted to stop and make his next appointment!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! I muttered that I'd call when I got home and kept moving...into the torrential downpour.

Sigh...we made it to the car. Boobah worked well with me and stayed awake on the ride home and took a 2 hour nap when we got there.

I'm not a religious woman but....Halleluja and AMEN!!!

It's A Beautiful Monday

and we're doing ok today. everyone is napping...i've gotten the fridge and freezer organized and cleaned out and it's beautiful outside.

things are looking up!

we went to IKEA yesterday evening and it was great. we chanced it figuring everyone would be out because it was so nice out and we were in luck. we got to paruse (as long as we could with 2 kids in tow) and we found some nice and most importantly TINY furniture that we're going to get to put in our every so TINY den. we keep the toys to a minimum but somehow they and everything else seems to take over so our once plushy and large furniture is now going to find its way to the dump.

dont get me wrong...we've gotten our full usage out of it. lots and LOTS of parties, drinking, spilling, smoking, sex acts, dancing and many, many, super late night hands of UNO. it doesn't owe us anything.

Shockingly Adorable

Bday Party

so. we had my cousin eric's 2nd bday party today here. it was so nice of my cousin to invite us and i think Boobah had a good time. she seemed to anyways but i have to say that i HATE those places and those parties. in my day...even with my sub-par mother we went bowling, rollerskating, to the movies, had a sleepover and before we were old enough to do that...we did...NOTHING. imagine that? we had a few family members over, sang happy birthday and had a small cake. i dont know...i just have a really hard time getting on board with 'the wheels on the bus', 'row row row your boat', and 'ABC'. then to be stuffed into a tiny room for cake and 'happy birthday'. every other mother seemed really psyched to be there...or at least pretended to be. i cant pretend. and i hope that i dont ever have to host one of those. i like my home parties. call me lame...call me old fashioned...call me nostalgic. but im sticking to my home party ideas.

i think we may do a jungle safari this year for Boobah's 2nd. =)

oh and i love that Boohbah looks at the lady leading the class like she's some kind of moron. (insert thought bubble here..."listen lady...i don't know what kind of illegal drugs you're running out of here but you need to get into a new line of work!")

haha...im funny.

The Cutest

Ahhhhhh....

soooooooo we had Melissa the Babysitter today. i found her on babysitters.com and she's FABULOUS! competent, happy, fun, and most importantly...CAPABLE. she loves kids and has centered her career around them. AMA and i are sharing her and i think we're both lucky.

so that allowed me to put laundry away and do some general organizing around here. it's by NO means anywhere close to where i want it but its.a.start.

and that's all i can ask for today...

Attitude Adjustment

ive made a decision...

i wont be that angry, annoyed, and cranky mom...

ill just let it go...and worry about the stuff that warrents worrying...which to be honest with you, isn't really much...so that's a wonderful thing...

but i wont worry when she:

• throws stuff (as long as it's relatively safe and not thrown at the dogs, the baby, or us)
• draws on herself or her toys
• mixes play-doh colors
• unfolds all the laundry that i just folded
• spills her snacks on the den floor
• repeatedly slams the open gates

know why i wont worry? because ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!

shes only 20 months old...shes just figuring stuff out.

and i love that kid.

Food TV Cokehead

so im sitting (yes...i said sitting) which is rare for me and i was watching 30 Minute Meals with Rachel Ray. and i love the show and i love her. i think she's funny, obnoxious and sassy. and i love her meals. particularly b/c she calls most of them "healthy" when they're full of pasta and cheese...

but i digress...

she just did an episode where in which the meal was supposed to "recharge your battery". stating that it was for anyone who stays up all night, lots of nights - like she does. it was a meat/potato/onion hash with cheese, fried eggs and salsa on top. my kind of meal! so yummy...

but i digress again...

but my question is...unless you're a new mom dealing with a newborn...who stays up all night by choice? she's going on about how she gets home from a long day and she's got cleaning to do and mail to open and email to read..etc, etc. so she stays up all night...AND she talks 1000 miles a minute AND moves at the speed of lightening on her show.

im convinced she's got an 8 ball under the counter of her show...she's probably rubbing it on her gums during the commercial breaks while her assistants slice and dice.

sigh...its too bad its so addictive, turns you into an asshole, costs a LOT of money...oh and illegal...it would make the days so easy!!!

Patience

is a virtue. and i wish i had some. why do i get so so so aggrevated when she throws stuff? and she throws a LOT OF STUFF. tons of it. just about everything. i think it's because she knows it gets to me.

i have to stop letting it get to me.

ugh.

i yelled a LOT yesterday for the last hour of the day. and i felt BEYOND HORRIBLE about it. i just have to step back and stop.

but she throws stuff at the dogs and the baby. and us. and its unsafe.

dont know how to get her to stop.

but even though i can't stop her wacky behavior...i must control mine.

i dont want to be that yelling mom.

ugh...i hate crying.

JoS A Bank

so life is sorta getting normal again. i can't say BACK to normal b/c it's a new normal. but we're sorta getting into a routine. and im sorta ok. some days are better than others. The Boobah has been on fire these last few days. busting out words...well words are a relative term but they're her words.

MA!

DA!

and then she points at EVERYTHING and wants me to tell her what it is. sometimes she'll point and say AYA? i think she's saying...what's that? or some form of it.

we went to Joseph A Bank today. a fine mens clothing store to spend my husband's gift card that his parents gave him for christmas. he AMAZES me. i can't hold onto a gift card for more than a day. he's got it in his pocket for 4+ months.

but i digress...

so we go...she's wearing khaki pants, a pink tshirt and her new kelly green and white striped, seersucker blazer. (kill me now she's so cute) she's in the stroller and The Boy is in the Bjorn. we walked in and they were having a big sale so there were giant helium balloons all over the place.

red, yellow and white with corresponding ribbons.

oh...and cookies.

so we walk in and her eyes got wide with excitement and the salesmen got a little nervous at the sight of my "gang" as they called us walking in. i assured them that they were both well contained and that if The Boy felt like projectiling he'd be doing it down my shirt for he sits in the Bjorn facing me. Boobah was strapped in and i kept her farther than arms distance away from the fine clothing so the delicious sticky fingers wouldn't leave their mark.

the salesmen were really nice to me after that =)

so i proceed to get my hubby a GORGEOUS pair of black, flat front, light weight, garbardine trouser - left with Michael the Tailor until next week. Boobah picked out 2 polos - eggplant and tangerine in color. and i found 2 short sleeve, button down, silk (not the girly kind of silk), ivory and medium blue dressy/casual shirts.

we did well.

so did i mention there were balloons and cookies.

so besides the gorgeous clothes that we left with...Boobah was wheeled out of there with a giant red helium balloon on one arm and a shortbread cookie in the other.

she was in heaven.

then we came home - had lunch - black beans, cous cous, chicken, strawberries, yogurt, yogurt covered raisins and goldfish pretzels. oh juice AND chocolate milk.

played on the deck and shes been napping since 2...it's now 335. he's been napping for 30 minutes on the chair downstairs on his belly.

last night he slept from 8-12:40am, 1-4:40am, 5-7am. could i ask for better???? NO!

so now im waiting for her to wake so we can go to playgroup. hopefully she won't sleep through it!!

so like i said...we're figuring out what our new 'normal' is. i miss being able to do more around the house...but i think that will come. i still feel super anxious a lot of the time. i have my drs appt on thursday so i may talk to her about it.

but...today is good.

tomorrow we're going to the outlets to walk around with my friend Erica.
thursday we have Jenny the Babysitter and I'm going to the dr.
friday we're going to my cousin Jodi's.

stayin' busy...that's my motto.

I AM A GOLDEN "MOMMY" GOD!!!

hahahah...but seriously...last night i got my 5 week old boy to sleep in 2 - 4 hour stints AND i have presently...at this very second...both he and Boobah napping in their respective cribs...

ya...im happy...

off to do housework!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Hey! Monkey Mom!!

thank you for being my absolute friend...

i LOVE LOVE LOVE (infinity) you madly...

xoxoxo

Ok so it's hard...really hard. MUCH harder than I thought. Or maybe not so. I don't know. I think I'm too hazy and tired to really assess QUITE yet. I dare to say that one is easy by comparison...BUT I can see how easily 2 can become 3. That seems doable. Not that I have any intentions to have 3...please...after this I'm making my husband sleep on the deck! But I imagine that in about a year I'll look back on this time and say..."it wasn't that hard". Won't I? Yes...I will. I'm sure I will. Of course I will. (you see...if I keep telling myself this...it will be true!)

But I love my 2...I still laugh when I refer to my kidS...plural...

speaking of which...the teeny one is squacking downstairs...

sigh...

no i haven't been drinking!

it's just that i love the simpsons and they had the spoof of Mary Poppins on the other night...Sherry Bobbins. it just makes me laugh...

more later...gotta tend to the babes

Hurry Nanny...Things Are Grim...

The classic version:

Wanted a nanny for two adorable children

If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sort
You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel
Never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a son and daughter
And never smell of barley water
If you won't scold and dominate us
We will never give you cause to hate us
We won't hide your spectacles
So you can't see
Put toads in your bed
Or pepper in your tea
Hurry, Nanny!

The 'mod' version:

If you wish to be our sitter,
Please be sweet and never bitter.
Help us with math and book reports
Might I add - eat my shorts!
If Maggie's fussy, dont avoid her
Let me get away with moider!
Teach us songs and magic tricks,
Might I add - no fat chicks!
The nanny we want is kindly and sage
And one who will work for minimum wage.
Hurry nanny, things are grim,
I'll do it!
Anyone but him.

Enough Said...

Dearest Boobah,

You nap as I write this. I've been in a panic for the last two days and anytime I actually think about it I now start to cry. I am so excited for everything that is about to happen to all of our lives yet I can't help but feel a imminent disconnect from what we have now. I just wanted to write this to you so I can look back on it when I marvel and wonder and joy at my two children and remember when there was just one.

You have taught me more in 17 months then I have learned in my 32+ years on this earth.

You have taught me never ending, gut wrenching, volumonous, infinity, and unconditional parental love.

Patience beyond patience...which I still have to work at daily. Not because of you...but because of me.

Wonder and imagination as it passes by your tiny face in glimmers and glimpses.

You have taught me time management and organization in ways that I could never have imagined. You have taught me that I MUST in no uncertain terms ask for help when I need it. Another lesson that I still struggle with but work at daily.

You have taught me that snacks from the floor taste just as good as the ones from the box and that mac and cheese kisses taste better than the fresh stuff.

You have taught me that Kate Spade, Louis Vuitton and Coach don't dare to compare to a sticky, honey dipped, squeezy hand...and as a matter of fact, they don't even hold a close second.

You've taught me how to be a better person as I look at myself through your beautiful green/blue eyes.

You've taught me that mullets are delicious and sweet, especially when tied into pigtails.

I know you'll never remember a time in which it was just the two of us but in this short note I just want you to know how much I adore you, everything that you are, and everything that you've brought to my life. How much I love you and can't stand to be without you for even the shortest amount of time. How much I hate to interrupt all that we have built but I know that we will cherish all that is new to come and we will create a new groove and a new daily world together with Tyler.

I love you my sweet girl.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo ~ infinity

What?!?!?!?

So im set to have this baby in 8 days. And my only real issue im having about it all is leaving Boobah. As stated before, I hate the thought of being without her for even a few hours. Let alone days. So I’ve slowly started to entrust her care for a couple of hours here and there to women that I trust completely. It’s still REALLY, REALLY hard for me to let go and let her have play dates w/out me…but it is necessary. So I drop her off when I have a Drs Appt or when im issued an order to so that I may get a few things done. All in all I think ive done it 2-3 times in the past almost 17 months.

The reasons why I have a hard time letting go are WAY too large in number to get into now but let’s just say that I’ve done the therapy thing. In fact, im about 19K poorer and 7 years richer in therapeutic know how and knowledge. I’ve worked on my major mother AND grandmother issues. Hell…I was in therapy for so long that I was one of only 4 patients that my therapist had left and then she RETIRED!!!

Yet…for some reason…it’s 12:36 am and im not in bed anymore because I just had a dream that I was screaming at my grandmother on the phone, while out of my window I see a plane drop out of the sky, to then realize that id left my precious babe in the care of aforementioned grandmother who was now telling me that she was not physically equip to handle my girl and as if in a psychic flash I saw Boobah – with her perfect mullet in place, wearing her red quilted jacket – the one with the faux Burberry lining, and black velvet pants- walking – while looking all around her- kind of walking in circles looking up and around her, as if looking for someone, in a total blizzard in the middle of a 4 lane highway – 4 lanes each side…so does that make it an 8 lane highway? Either way…it was unbearable to see. So the next thing I know im running towards her and finally scoop her up in my arms to then run off the side of the highway to get home.

I woke up saying out loud “ITS ONLY A DREAM, ITS ONLY A DREAM” about 6 times until I was really awake. And when I did finally open my eyes and realize I was in my bedroom and it was 12:34 am I also noticed that my teeth hurt. One more so than the other. So I was either majorly clenching/grinding my teeth – which im hoping is the case – OR the one tooth in which I had a bad cavity filled a year ago is not holding as we had hoped and ill end up with a root canal after I give birth….

Cause THAT’s what I need, huh?

So I say HA to my 7 years of therapy…I wonder how difficult it would be to coax my now retired therapist out of retirement.

C'mon already

id so just love to have this baby already. i was having many random contractions yesterday and everyone was gettin all excited over nothin! this baby will come when he's cut from my womb a week from wed! sigh...it would be fun to have him a tiny bit earlier tho. it's like waiting for christmas...only WORSE! sigh...

Baby

man oh man. im having a baby in 11 days. assuming that i dont go early. its been a whirlwind pregnancy and very luckily enough these last few weeks have been very productive. thanks to my wonderful husband and very fabulous friend Tiarra Mom, i am ready to bring this boy into the world. i even packed my hospital bag this morning. ive had a pile of things on my dresser ready to go...and every day i put my empty bag out on my bed next to the pile. and for some reason...the pile does not make it into the bag. well today it did. i think im just to afraid that once it's packed it means this is all real and hasn't been a dream for the last 7 months.

plus...im also in a constant state of panic and worry about Boobah. i've never left her overnight. i've never left her for more than a couple of hours. she'll be in great hands but i'm still sick to my stomach at the thought that she'll go to bed and wake up without me. i know she'll be fine and recover and never remember it...but i will. and that's what makes me sad.

Help

how to take help and take it gratefully. it's one of the hardest lessons ive ever had to learn.

Thin Mints

so much to talk about STILL...so i just have to bullet for time's sake:

• christimas
• grandparent visits
• new year's eve
• mother passing
• brother visiting
• brother deciding to move back from CA
• working on the best girlfriend friendships besides those i made in college
• having a baby in roughly 4 weeks
• my 16 month old daughter loves thin mints

Catch Up

there's SO much to catch up on!! i can't do it now but will soon...