The Witnesses

seriously now...like ive got nothing better to do than answer the door for the JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES???

cmon...

go buy gifts, light candles, sing carols, trim trees and drink egg nog like everyone else DAMMIT!!

so i just put my horns on and waved my flaming menorah out of the window until they were frightened off...

that'll teach 'em...

Perfection

even when she's cranky...she's perfect. in my eyes anyways. i don't mean that she's 'perfect' i mean that she's just mine, fabulous, wonderful, beautiful, sweet, kind, and sometimes cranky. the poor babe has another molar coming in and it's really paining her. she woke today at 5 and went down for a nap at 730, woke at 840 and went back down at 1122. she woke at 1218 and went back down at 1245. i tried juice, milk, popsicles and mac and cheese. she wanted none of it. so another dose of tylenol and anbesol for her poor baby gums and back to nappyland she went.

i feel so helpless when she looks at me with those giant eyes filled with gumdrop sized tears. but i can see the tooth pushing it's way through so i know that the pain won't be around too long.

my poor girl.

Ass Clown

so my grandmother....The Doctah...is a total ass clown. and im being nice by saying that. i don't want to spew hatred in writing. but she just makes my blood boil. i'm going to be quick here but let me just say that she's having ELECTIVE yes....ELECTIVE foot surgery for a THIRD time on Tuesday. yeah..i said it...for a 3RD time. no typos there. and she's giving me attitude because i haven't invited her to recouperate here. because if i did she'd expect to stay through the holidays...which mind you...she doesn't celebrate OH BECAUSE SHE'S JEWISH! but she thinks that because my husband isn't and we celebrate it that it's somehow become her holiday and god punish me for not inviting her to celebrate it with us.

i did it one year...and trust me when i say that it would be less painful to gauge my eyes out with a spoon rather than to have her here again hovering over my every move for every second that she's here. unless she's smoking in my basement...which means that she'd be at the top of the basement stairs basically smoking in my kitchen.

kill
me
now

so i remain steadfast and perhaps selfish but it's what i gotta do to keep me and my family sane. after 7 years of therapy to the tune of roughly $18,200 there's too much at stake now...keeping her happy vs. being happy myself...

the choice is crystal clear.

Let It Snow...Football, Fires and Hot Chocolate

i love the fall and i love the summer...but there's just something magical about the cold. it gives you license to hunker down, bundle up, and snuggle under. the stillness outside when it snows can be relaxing enough to let you unwind...even if it is only for a few hours. i've been cranking along with the Boobah Books. Volume I is complete with 48 pages and Volume II is well on it's way with 10 pages done since yesterday. It is really important to me to complete this project before the next wonder comes along. And with that said we've got 2 babies rooms to start/finish, monster amounts of cleaning to do, and other miscellaneous preparations for said Wonder II.

but as i just take a bit of time to relax...tell me...does it get any better than this??

For All Of You Holiday Haters....

this one is great...

A White Christmas? More Like A Roseola Thanksgiving...

yes my daughter contracted Roseola. for those of you who don't have kids or are unfamiliar with this virus...it goes a little something like this:

• high fever of 102 or more - for 3+ days
• diarrhea
• major crankiness
• lethargy
• decrease in appetite
• ends in a red body rash

so...thats been going on since last tuesday. we went to PA for thanksgiving to be with my in-laws and all told she was in as good spirits as she could muster given her condition. the rash and fever have dissipated but the crankiness remains. and her sleep schedule is TOTALLY off. she goes to bed at 5 now. 5!!!!! ugh...all my work, my precious sleep training...ruined!! i had her down to napping from 9-11 and 2-4 with a bedtime of 630. it was beautiful. hopefully we'll be able to get back there soon.

happy turkey day, y'all. gobble gobble.

Blonde

i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE (infinity) my hair!!! we chopped at LEAST 11 inches off if not more and heavily highlighted it. i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my head. in years past when i've done this i've always thought ~~~hmmm~~~ did i make a mistake? or i kind of miss it already...but not this time. i haven't even thought twice about it! its FABULOSO!!!

SHE is a GENIOUS and a miracle worker!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Bedtime

riddle me this Batman...

how is it possible that the Boobah wakes up at 4:00 pm from her afternoon nap and she goes to bed at 6:20???

it's baffling...really!

Hair

oh and btw...

here's what my new hair is going to look like as of a week from today...

i can't WAIT!!!

The Scrapbook

who ever said this project would be a good idea??? im OBSESSED!! obsessed with supplies, photos, organization, planning, i think about the book all the time!! so far i've scrapbooked october 2004-december 2004 and i still have 10 months to go!! my goal is to have this done before my next one comes along in early march. ideally id like to have it done by jan 1 so i can then focus on doing the 2 bedrooms over for boobah and boobah II.

glad i have such traumatic things to complain about...

Mundane? Not so much...

so you this may sound mundane and petty to you but it just shows the level of her feelings of entitlement...

me: oh i like your sweater (its a nice green, cotton, knit sweater...see above photo)

The Doctah: oh i got it at this new store called ColdWater Creek

( i let go of the fact that CCW has been around for many years and don't correct her. she likes to think she's omniscient in finding a 'new' store - so i let her think she's all that...but i digress)

me: well its really nice, i like the color

The Doctah: but would you just LOOK AT THESE SLEEVES!!!!!!! (she says with a harsh tone)

me: what's wrong with them?

The Doctah: they're TOO LONG! (now she's practically yelling at me because i don't see the immediate (or invisible) problem with the sleeves)

me: well why did you buy the sweater in the first place?

The Doctah: they weren't like that when I bought it...

me: ( in my head..."oh..i see...it's the mysterious shoe making elves that snuck into your overly done, way to large for you, all white, all suede and faux fur, 4 bedroom (with only one person living there) condo, in a gated community of people you refuse to associate with? THEY snuck into your place and stretched the sleeves out before you bought it...ok...that makes sense...YOU CRAZY BAT!)

me: (in reality) but it's a cotton sweater...it's going to stretch a bit.

The Doctah: i'm bringing it back

me: but you're wearing it...you can't wear something and then bring it back just because you didn't bother to try it on and make sure the sleeves fit.

(and mind you...the sleeves are NOT too long. )

The Doctah: well then they'll fix them for me!!

me: what? it's a mainstream store...not a custom tailor...they don't do alterations or make ammendments. it's not their responsibility to make sure that you try the clothes on. (so i stop here because i know it doesn't matter HOW much sense im making...she'll never get it)

The Doctah: well i know 'the girl' there and she'll have it fixed for me.

needless to say...she's out of her freakin mind...

am i the insane one?

Flursday

appropriately named because in years past within an hour of getting home from work...or leaving the office...we were so buzzed we couldn't call it Thursday anymore but through the slurring we were able to mutter Flursday. Flursday's used to consist of 3 or 4 filthy vodka martinis, a pack or two of Camel Lights and about 10 hands of late night Uno.

Flursday's now consist of am walks, pm playdates and pizza in the evenings. in bed by 10.

sigh...in the immortal words of De La Soul....Itsooeezzze.

Luck Be a Lady...or a Ladybug...as the case may be

i dont know if this sounds bad or not but i dont care...i feel like the luckiest mom in the world! she eats, sleeps, plays, behaves well ALL THE DAMN TIME!! i love this kid more than anything in the universe. she and her BF - The Bee got dressed up yesterday for some photo ops. I can't even stand it!! =)

if you'd asked me what what was most important to me a couple of years ago I would have said my bag collection, my dogs and my husband...not necessarily in that order of course ;)

now i dont care if i carry a paper sack around...if im with her nothing else matters.

how sappy, huh?



so ive had this genious business idea and i ran it by hubby and he loved it too. im doing research and running it by my friends to see what everyone thinks. im SO hoping it'll pan out. patience is a virtue!!

we're going to visit my Dad when Boobah wakes up. it's a very long story but we go to visit him in his office because my Wicked Stepmonster hates me and all things rosey and wonderful so i dont bother entering her space because it seems to zap me of all my happiness if im within a 200 yard radius of her. she's a witchy witch witch. again...if you'd caught me a few years ago my language regarding her would be vulgar and fairly violent. i've let it go. she'll rot some day...and the day will be sweet.

but i digress...we're going to visit Grandpa and then run some errands.

happy wednesday y'all!

Ladybug III

so once again we set out in our ladybug costume last night to visit our fab neighbors. sabrina and candy are just the sweetest...they are the ones who went through the horrible tragedy in may and the carvers have 2 amazing girls who i hope kendall grows up to be just like. they are fab parents who ought to be admired greatly. we 'trick or treated' and visited for a while getting the most usage out of the LB costume and then we sat on the front stoop handing out mass quantities of candy. it was such a beautiful night to be out. there were lots of kids...mostly youngins who were insatiably cute! all parents were very nice and i finally enjoyed halloween. i've already started thinking about next years costumeS...notice the S on the end of costume. yeah...i'll have a 2 year old AND an 8 month old!! aye dios mio!

Doctah-ism

me: hello
Doctah: oh i never thought you'd be there?!!!
me: then why are you calling?

she never ceases to amaze me...

Boo

so Boobah was in her ladybug costume twice this weekend and once more tonight for halloween! we're only going to our 2 neighbors houses but it'll be fun to show her off.

need to clean the car today - its amazing how fast a minivan turns into 'that' minivan. the one i never EVER saw myself driving in the first place but now its not only the one that i never saw myself driving...but its got toys, bottles, cracker bits, finger prints, jackets, blankets, magazines, sippy cups, prego snacks, barettes, gum wrappers, tissues with old gum and cough drops strewn about...need i go on? its G R O S S !!!

i also need to organize the following lists:

wish list
need to buy list
need to do list

with the Boobah II on the way...i need to hyper organize. i try a little bit more every day...and so far...it seems to be working.

some days i REALLY wish i had a touch of OCD...

oh btw...i used to LOVE the time change...now...not so much. can anyone tell me how to explain to a 1 year old that an extra hour of sleep is a blessing? anyone, anyone? Bueller???

Realization

so i think i've FINALLY (maybe not so much) settled into the idea that i'm just about 5 months pregnant. it seemed to take a LOT longer last time but i suppose when you miss the first 4 months...that's what happens.

i'm trying to cherish every day with the Boobah while she is still an only child. she turned one 3 weeks ago and it is really shocking to me that i have a one+ year old. she is so amazing, cool, fabulous and fun. every day she does something new. her latest is walking around looking at stuff while swinging her arms and clapping her hands together. it's as if she's surveying her stuff and the world around her and making an assessment on all of it. she just kills me. sometimes i change her out of her pjs in the am into her clothes so her pjs are left on my bed. and then at night i end up cuddling and sleeping with the pjs from the day before...i just love love love (infinity) her.

my husband and i are still in shock about baby #2 but we're embracing the idea and we know that it'll be so fabulous once HE is here. yes...it's a boy. we found out a couple of weeks ago. not that we care but it'll be nice to have a different experience.

so ive started designing Boobah's new room in my head. we're moving her out of the nursery which is the smallest room in the house and over to one of our bigger bedrooms before the baby comes.

so we're off to a bday/halloween party for Boobah's friend John. he's going as Elvis...i can't wait to see him! she's going as a ladybug. too cute, too cute.

Soooooooo...

its been an 'interesting' week. my boobah girl turns 1 next week and she's nothing short of an absolute doll. she's walking, babbling, playing and all in all being very charming every second of every day. just when we thought our lives couldn't get any better...or any busier...SURPRISE...

here's my story...

since boobah stopped nursing 3 months ago ive been feeling extremely anxious and nervous. ALL THE TIME. and sleepless. very sleepless. i was dozing for about 3-4 hours each night. but not in a row. at least i could have dealt with that. so i let it go thinking it was b/c of the hormones working their way out of my body post-nursing. so i kept thinking 'this too shall pass' and it's just normal and not to worry.

but i was worried. it didnt make sense to me. so i finally finally called the dr and made an appt with our FABULOUS NP Megan T. For 2 weeks from when i called. I figured...I can wait that long. So 2 weeks came and went and vioila I was talking to Megan about all of this on Wednesday, September 21st.

I told her all of my symptoms and she came to the logical conclusion. I was stressed. Overly stressed. So she prescribed me Lexipro to take the edge off for a few months and then we'd revisit this and see how I was doing. I was on-board and ready to start. Considering I'd taken Celexa a few years ago, I knew that it would definitely help. I also mentioned a couple of other minor things that were bothering me.

1. I hadn't gotten my period since I stopped nursing. (or at all for that matter since having the baby)
2. I couldn't hear out of my left ear.

So...they tried unsuccessfully to flush my ear out and told me to go get drops and to come back on Friday, September 23rd. I think great...I'll be calm and able to hear in no time.

She also wanted to be safe and draw blood to check a few basic things (iron, WBC, RBC, pregnancy...mind you...i've been on the pill since I had Boobah 12 months ago) and to make sure my thyriod was working correctly. She was thinking in some off chance that might have been to blame for my hormone imbalance.

Friday morning Boobah and I go to the grocery store around 8. We came back around 9 and ther was a message from Nurse Mary asking me if I can call them back. Hmmmm...I think. How odd. So I call and Mary asks if I can come in 15 minutes early (mind you...my appt isn't until 1:00) to 'discuss my test results'. I'm thinking...if this crazy lady is thinking that I'm waiting 4 hours to 'discuss my test results' she is sadly, sadly mistaken. So I say...'Mary, have you seen my results?' She said that she had not. I asked for Megan to call me because I would have gone mental waiting to find out what was horribly wrong with me and how large the tumor was.

So I'm pacing my house and Megan calls. She sounds somber. I start to shake on the phone with her and sit down on my bed bracing for the worst. Convo goes as follows:

me: Megan - what is wrong with me?
Megan: Nothing...you're fine. You're pregnant. And I'm estimating you're anywhere between 5-12 weeks.

me:





and i started hysterically crying. I was in such shock.

Megan: I know you're very surprised. I am in shock as well. This is the last thing I expected to see on these test results.

me:





more crying...
Megan: Stop taking the Lexipro and the pill. Come in today at 3 and we'll examine you.


me:ok

Sooooooooo...

I call Sarah and my husband and am just shellshocked. Hubby comes home a little after that and we all go to the drs office where I am welcomed with pitty party smiles and waves. So they show me the lab results. The hormone levels of someone who is newly pregnant are around 5-10...

i was at 43,000

YES...43,000

I then had an internal exam. Megan then estimated that based on the size of my uterus...I was roughly 16 weeks along.

Mind you...i'm still in shock.

So they set me up with an U/S @ MWH for Monday. I go in on Monday and they tell me that based on the measurements of the baby I am indeed 15 weeks and 5 days along. Making today (Friday, September 30th) the first day of my 16th week.

The baby is fine. There is a lovely heartbeat and everything looked great. They are even 95% sure it's a boy. Which is pretty cool.

Sooooooooooooooooo...here I am one week later and the news has slowly started to seep in and the shock isn't so overpowering now.

Boobah and mini-boobah will be 16 months apart. I'm due March 16th.

Oh btw...Not only was I on the pill all this time BUT I was also nursing when I conceived.

A big ole thumbs up the the UNIVERSE. Apparently it was sick and tired of me saying that we only wanted one child and that we were sure we were done having any more kids.

In the famous words of Nelson Muntz...

HAHA

September

as Earth, Wind, and Fire said it best..."dancin in September"...god i love the fall. or the almost fall. i do love the summer but i cant wait until regular season football games start, long sleeve, comfy sweaters and sweatshirts and hot beverages. i also can't believe that tomorrow is Boobah's 11 month birthday. amazing...

we're having a little soiree for her in a month with only family and a tiny little playgroup party with my fab friends and their fab babies a few days before that. nothing elaborate...just a gathering.

labor day weekend was so fun. 2 pool parties and one glorious impromptu bbq brought a great closing to the end of summer...unofficially anyways.

just a quick post as i get into pjs and settle in with the September edition of Vogue. its a tradition with me...that and W magazine. after all...it is September...THE month in fashion all year.

can't wait to see where the hemlines rest this year!!!

oh the excitement!!!

His Perspective

so as im falling asleep last night i had a realization. i relax (for the most part) from the time that Boobah goes to bed until the time that i go to bed. when i go to bed i start to feel the 2 ton elephant sitting on my chest again. and i said this to my husband last night as we settled into bed. i said that i tense up as im falling asleep (or trying to) because i'm already stressing about the next day to come. his take on it is as such...and i think it's BRILLIANT. he said...don't think of it as the end of this day rolling into the beginning of the next...think of it as you've worked so hard all day and sleeping is the big reward that you need/get to enjoy at the end of the day.

simple...yet i would never have thought of it on my own.

this is just one of the gillions of reasons i married him...

Dreams

so 2 nights ago i had a dream that i kept calling my old boss at work and calling in sick because i didnt want to put Boobah in daycare. so for almost a year (i haven't worked in about that long) i called in sick. so they finally told me that if i didnt stop calling in sick i would be fired. so i had no choice and i put Boobah in our dog's crate and went to work. i came home at lunch to feed her and then had to go back to work. mind you...THIS WAS ONLY A DREAM. in the same dream i also came home to her eating dog poop. sooooooooooo...either i'm getting my dogs/puppies mixed up with the baby or i'm just going completely mental. but it was such a horrible nightmare to see her in the dog's crate when i walked in the door to my house...my stomach flips at the mere memory of it. i hate dreams that haunt me for days after i have them.

Self Induced Stress

i don't know why but it seems to be getting worse. i'm so stressed and nervous that im not a good enough mom or that i don't do enough around the house to "pull my weight" as i like to call it. my husband CONSTANTLY tells me that im doing a fabulous job and that it's both of our jobs to maintain the house and not just mine since my focus is on Boobah. i told him just last night that i feel that since i dont contribute a salary in terms of $$$ that the LEAST i can do is keep an immaculate house and raise our wonderful daughter. he tells me that i really need to calm down. he's ordered me to watch one of the 8 episodes of The 4400 that we've been Tivoing for the last 8 weeks once a day. and that i can fold laundry or do nothing or whatever i want but that i must sit and watch one a day. so i said that id try. im such a stressed out freak that i've given myself a coldsore on my lip. i usually get them when im about to get or have a cold but this one is definitely stress induced. ugh. so that just adds insult to injury.

Little Tikes Kitchen - Used and Free

so not only do i realize on a day to day basis how much Boobah has changed me but there are certain days in particular that it is most obvious...today is one of those days. i formerly would thrive on shopping for purses, clothes, accessories, and product. i have the unique ability to shop for hours on end without food, water or rest. now due to money and time constraints...those days are few and far between limited to but not without exception to birthdays and the holidays.

however...i found something yesterday that fills that void and makes me even happier...i was on a walk yesterday and outside of one of the houses was a pretend kitchen...and the sign on it said FREE. well...it doesn't get better than that. in my 'richer and younger' days i would not so much as glanced at the dirty, dusty, cobweb filled old toy...but i now look at it with mommy eyes and think...I'LL TAKE IT! thinking Boobah will love opening and closing the doors and standing up at it. and as she gets older she'll actually be able to pretend play.

so i rang the doorbell and told them that i was interested and that i'd be back shortly with the car. so after our walk i came back with the van and the husband helped me load it into my van. so i just spent a half an hour outside with it scrubbing it down and making some minor repairs. i lugged it up to the living room and put it under a window. i can't tell you how excited i am to have this for her and i can't wait until she gets up from her nap so she can play with it!! its got a fridge that she can open and close and put stuff in as well as a dishwasher and a stove and a microwave. it's the cutest thing ever. (and it makes a lovely addition to our living room!! hahaha) so now ive been on line looking for play pots and pans and play food. i'm thinking that'll be good stuff to get her for her bday.


after my long tale...im sitting here thinking that nothing that i could ever get at bloomingdales or anywhere else could make me happier than having an adorable - used and FREE pretend kitchen in my living room.

sigh...i love being a mom.

Floater

so its a floater...apparently the vitreous gel inside your eye can become dehydrated and small pieces turn less viscoius causing the 'floater'. who knew? its a small spot and nothing to worry about. the dr said that it would eventually go away but that it could take some time. so he said to do my best to ignore it and not focus on it as that could cause headaches. but other than that all is well with my eyes...perfect vision and perfect pressure. YAY!

What goes around comes around...karma at it's finest...

what goes around comes around...i'm a firm believer in it. karma has a funny way of working itself out. sometimes it takes a lifetime...and sometimes it takes 16 years.

i started this post WAY ago and now i dont really need to finish it...

for the karma finally came and went and she is now in peace...

Today

So...even though there are days when I truly need a Zanax because the 2 ton elephant won't get off my chest there are days that are just the opposite when I do what I can do and I get done what I can and I don't worry about the rest. Today is pretty much one of those days. I went to my WW meeting and weighed in and surprisingly lost a half of a pound. I know it's not a lot but since I'm down 32 now...it's at least something. Kendall has been nothing but smiles today. My favorite of the day has been when I stop the car and open her door she starts kicking and flailing her arms about and laughing. Like there's nothing more exciting than getting out of the car! It just cracks me up. And she likes being in the car...I just think she gets excited that we're going to do something else.

So I go to the eye doctor tonight for this 'spot'. It's so very annoying and I hope hope he can do something to correct it.

Other than that all is well with Wednesday.

Mother

My mom's health is declining somewhat rapidly. This came as a surprise to me. I guess I had always just convinced myself that in the state she's in she could live for another 30 years. I just assumed that since there are no toxins going into her body and that she is relatively stress free that her body would simply exist. As it turns out, she has been fighting multiple non-related infections for about a month now. She has repeated bladder/kidney infections, her feeding tube continues to get infected causing a more serious infection deeper in her intestines, she has a parasitic (sp?) rash last week, she has fevers that spike and then drop really low and no one can figure out why. She also has Hepititis C. And they are not sure how long she has had it or where she contracted it. But it's kind of a moot point now. But anyway, we met with her Dr. on Sunday (we - being me, my husband and The Doctah). He explained to us that they could keep administering antibiotics but she'll keep getting infections and it will prolong her suffering. So we expressed our feelings that at this point we'd like her kept comfortable but we do not want any infections treated with antibiotics. So she is on a constant morphine drip - it's a very small dose - but enough that she's not feeling any pain. She seemed very comfortable and relaxed on Sunday when we visited with her. The Dr. didn't give us a definitive time frame but he said that if she contracted something like pnemonia, that she would not last through it. I'm doing ok with it all. It's still kind of surreal to me and I'm sure it'll hit me eventually but I think after 16 years she's just ready to go and tired of just 'existing'.

Blurred Vision

So I woke up Saturday morning with a small dot on my left eye..or I should say IN my left eye. At first I thought it was a dust particle or something of the like but as it turns out it's not removable. Quite frankly, it's freaking me out. I'm headed to the opthamologist (sp?) tomorrow night but I am freaking out. What if I'm slowly going blind and that is the first spot of blindness???

I'm looking on WebMD and I'm not finding anything!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!!

Peter Jennings (may you rest in peace) LOOK OUT!!

1. You can be your ideal weight AND height (winkwink), but it is at the cost of your tastebuds. Do you do it?

I didn't even have to contemplate this...YES!! This is definitely an automatic yes. I've been at my ideal weight before and it's FANTASTIC being that thin. But as a sacrifice to being that thin I could eat NOTHING fun anyways. Only salad and chicken...so...if I had to sacrifice my tastebuds...so be it. I'm ok with my height...have such great clothes that I've spent hundreds, if not thousands altering to my munchkin leg size so I'd hate to not be able to wear them.

Although, I'd probably regret it. I remember reading a book when I was little about a boy who loved chocolate so much that he wished that everything he ate tasted like chocolate. After about a day of this *gift* he was so miserable...that would be me. But at LEAST I'd be thin!! And as my grandmother always says...nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Pretty twisted, huh?

2. What is the most amazing thing your husband has ever said to you?

He ALWAYS, ALWAYS tells me that I look amazing (even when i know i don't) and that I'm a fabulous mom and a wonderful wife and that he loves me. It's all I ever really need to hear to make me happy. =)

3. Name one of your irrational fears.

Hmmmm...I don't know that I have any fears that I consider irrational. I spent 7 years in therapy dealing with most of my insanity...so I guess I'd say that my biggest fear would be turning out like my mother. A former party girl turned drunk/druggie/sex offender. Not my idea of a bright future. And now that I have a 10 month old daughter my biggest fear is that I don't do enough for her or that I'm not there enough for her or that I don't make her laugh enough. Even though I *know* I do and everyone always tells me that I do...I'm always worried that I'm not focusing enough on every detail and that makes me insane and I suppose fearful as well. I do my best to keep it all in check. There are days when I really miss my therapist.

4. Tell us about your most embarrassing moment.

My most hated emotion has always been embarassment. Years ago I used to get embarassed if I did something as small as tripping over the imaginary bump in the carpet in a public place. You all know what I'm talking about...that piece of carpet that a inexplicably causes you to heave forward hoping that you don't land face down at the mall or in your office cafeteria? Yeah...it's happened to you too. You look around to see if anyone saw you and if they did you look down at the ground to see if there really was something there that caused you to trip for no reason. And when there isn't anything there you start silently scolding the floor for making you trip...sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...that said...

Since becoming a mother...NOTHING embarasses me anymore. Childbirth alone is the single most humbling experience in the world. So the only time in recent days that I've been truly embarassed to the point where my cheeks turned red is when my husband figured out how to connect the Tivo to our computer in the house to scroll through all of our music and photos via the tv. It's pretty nifty actually. I can listen to any music we have on our computer via our stereo and I can review any photos we have on the nice big tv. So we had my sister-in-law and her husband over a few weeks ago for our standard Sunday night dinner and we were showing this feature off by going through old pictures of our daughter. As we were marveling at how tiny she really was when we first brought her home I had forgotten that my husband had taken a few pictures of me in the tub with her a couple of days after we came home. Clearly I was in the tub with no clothes on...days after just having a child. So needless to say, I looked like a mother manatee. So as we're scrolling through adorable infant pictures all of a sudden...in color, 32" wide...there I am...in all of my blubbery, manatee glory...on the screen. I wanted to scream....oh wait...I did scream!! And then my eyes started to water up from the sheer embarassment of the moment. And of course I can't get to the Tivo remote fast enough to get to the next photo...it seemed like an eternity that I was up on that screen. So we all sat there for a moment giggling...meanwhile...I was DYING inside. My face was burning. I tried to play it off so cool like it didn't bother me...but...ugh. It was horrible!

5. You can have any super power you want. What is it?

I would want the ability to see into the future. But as an aside to that...I would want the ability to see into the future and be able to influence my decisions based on what I already knew. I know it seems selfish...but I would do my best to only use it to steer my life and the lives of people I knew into the right direction. It would make things a lot simpler if you just knew a little more rather than having it all be a guessing game.

Want to play?

The Official Interview Game Rules:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below asking to be interviewed.
2.I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

im a believer

some days i cant believe how very lucky i am. i force myself daily to stop and look at my life and think...this is my life. and i wouldnt want to change ANYTHING about it.

see this is why i don't keep a journal. i started this post on june 23rd and i'm just getting back to it today. well...i suppose that's what it's all about. just writing when the moment strikes you.

lots has been going on....boobah has sprouted 3 teeth with another one on the way. i think on top...we've stopped nursing. much to my chagrin. im very sad about it but trying to push through it by hyper organizing my house and life. i clean and clean and clean and organize and launder and walk and swim. and it all helps take my mind off it.

im in DIRE DIRE need of some retail therapy but dont have the money to satisfy my need. so i continue to clean and clean and clean and organize and launder and walk and swim.

oh and i drink the Turbo Ice Coffee from DD. it's what gets me through the day. that and a couple of motrin. it all takes the edge off.

im beyond lucky to have kaye, sheree, and nita. my mommy friends without whom the days would SUCK. we get together at least 2 times a week if not more and its just such a nice way to break up the day and to have that necessary interaction that we all need. for the kids but also for each other.

Watering hole

so i tried to convince my husband to let me join the local country club for the summer...a family membership costs a mere $1450 a summer. and that includes a lot. but with the arrival of the boobah this year, me leaving work, as well as the new puppy...we just can't swing it. sooooooooo...i went in search of a local, cheap, swimming alternative. and i found it!! thanks to our neighbor Carver. there is a park with a manmade pond in a nearby town. so we went and checked it out and it rocks. it's treated and cleaned by the town and nicely maintained. it's got a small beach, grassy areas, a nice playground, docks in the water, and a snackbar. so i've found our cheap hangout this summer. it's a little deliciously poor white trash but nothing that i can't handle. hey...rich white trash is what hangs out at the CC so i'd get it either way.

i went there with a fellow mommy friend and her son and it was a smashing good time! we swam and played in the sand and enjoyed the GORGEOUS weather that we've been graced with. i also went back this weekend with my husband and the boobah. oh it's going to be a fabulous summer...i can tell already!!

Peek A Boo

so you would think that her 73 year old GREAT-grandmother would want nothing more than to hold her great-grand-daughter and play with her. after all..73 is very young to be a GGmother. or so mine keeps telling EVERYONE who will listen. form the clerk at CVS, to every waiter, waitress, and hostess around, to every associate at Chico's, as well as random people on the street. but no...she's just content to sit back and watch me do all the work while she gets to brag all about her. its odd really...if she ever does hold her...it's because i ask her to for a minute while i get her things together as we're ready to leave whatever restaurant we've just had lunch in. she's never changed a diaper, an outfit, she's NEVER actually played with her. she only chants the following to her...

gaamie loves you
loves you
loves you
gammie loves you
loves you
loves you

over and over and over again.

its like she can't think of anything better to say to her. and boobah just looks at her and her crypt keeper appearance as if to say "what in the world are you talkin about lady?"

it's quite a sight.

so i've determined that she loves her...but more importantly to her is that she loves the IDEA of her rather than having to actually take care of her.

now that im 32 i finally understand why my mother and aunt were so FKD up!!

The Doctah

she's titled that b/c she claimes to have her Phd in something...psychology...but you'd be damned to know it. she uses the Dr. title as if she were an MD. she LOVES it. uses it when it suits her needs...restaurant reservations, drs appts, her answering machine, checks and credit cards, when introducing herself, on stationery and cards. anywhere that someone could notice and ask about it. it makes her feel important and feeds on the gigantic ego that she's got. she really does think shes the queen bee matriarch of all time. and we're going to visit her today. hell...it's easier than her coming here. smoking her carlton menthol 12o's around my baby and making outrageous claims like she invented the question mark. (ok so that's a line from Austin Powers) but STILL. she's that nutty. let's see...things that she's claimed over the years that i know for a fact are out and out lies...

*she went to law school - ok..it just didnt happen
*she met fidel castro...yes...for real...she sticks to that story-aye dios mio
*she dated 3 of the most wealthy men in Boston - in the 70's - and they all asked her to marry them...despite the fact that she was a single mother with 3 kids
*she's the best mother in the world - "i did everything for those girls!!"
*i've been nothing but nice to everyone! so...why won't they take my trash out?
*i'm no bother to anyone!

There are easily 1,000 more but i'll have to update as time goes on...

yeowch!

so who knew that after almost 8 blissful months of successful and wonderful breastfeeding that it might all have to end so fast? the boobah now has 2 teeth. her 2 bottom teeth and they are like 2 razors. she's bit me 4 times total over the past week and everytime she does it i yelp and scare the shit out of her. we don't ever yell in my house so she's just not used to raised voices. so the poor girl instantly stares at me with those big, beautiful, innocent eyes totally freaked out and then starts to cry. so i start to cry. not necessarily because it hurts (and it REALLY hurts) but because i feel so guilty and horrible that i've scared her. so after this fiasco last night, i got her to bed per usual and realized that i was in a horrible funk. i feel this pit inside of my stomach like i've done something wrong...yet i haven't. but i can't explain this feeling...i had hoped to breastfeed her for a year so i wouldn't have to use formula but if it keeps happening i'll have to. because now everytime i feed her i'm tense, waiting for her to bite.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

and then there were 5

so as if life weren't chaotic enough...we've got the puppy. Kate...Kate Spade to be exact. i wanted Coco Chanel but my husband, even with his spare ovary, wasn't having any of that. he doesn't really have a spare ovary...well he doesn't have any ovaries actually...but he's so good at being a girl's guy that Alouicious determined that he MUST have an ovary floating around in him somewhere to make him so good with women. god bless him...he can sit and listen to us talk about tampax, episiotomies, UTIs, the latest hemlines, who Paris Hilton is marrying and how much cleavage she's showing and just about any other girlie discussion. he truly is my star. i don't know where i would be if i didn't have him for the last 14 years of my life. i know i wouldn't be as lucky as i am to be sitting here right now. god knows where i would have ended up. i owe a lot to him...and i love him. as i say to boobah every night before she goes to bed...

*i love you more than all the stars in the sky
*i love you more than all the waves in the ocean
*i love you more than all of the grains of sand on the beach
*i love you more than all of the blades of grass, leaves and trees in the forest
*i love you more than all of the snowflakes that fall each winter
*i love you more than all of the raindrops in the sky
*i love you more than anything

and one of the most favorite things he's ever said in all the years i've known him. we were falling asleep 2 friday nights ago after the puppy had been delivered...and all chaos insued...the inlaws were here, boobah didn't want to go to sleep, billy-dog didn't know why there was a miniature one running around peeing everwhere...crazy, crazy, crazy...

as we're falling asleep he mutters...

and then there were 5...

Nursery Rhyme

rain rain go away...even though i love the rain...it soothes me...i really should be living in london...

its been a hellovaweek...

there's been life and death around the 'hood in this last week or so. i've been too crazy to blog or even think of blogging. until today...everyone sleeps right now...my boy-Billydog...my boobah and our new addition...the puppygirl-Kate.

my poor neighbors. they are now survivors of suicide. their son and their brother shot himself last monday night. the police came to my house on tuesday afternoon asking me to rush over to help them because they had just found out. they went to the place where he had done it and found him...well his poor, sweet sister found him. what an ordeal. she'll never be the same...ever again. the wake and funeral were this weekend and now that it's over with...it seems like everyone has forgotten about them. even though i know they haven't it seems like no one is coming around to the house like they did just after it happened. so we're all popping by there for an hour here and there just to keep an eye on them and to offer continued support. god knows they're going to need it.

friends of ours had a baby girl last week which is always a ray of sunshine. and we got our new puppy!! she's our 9 week old, 5 lb all white pitbull. oh she's just so cute and very mischevious. billydog isn't so thrilled with her but he'll warm up to her eventually. he'll sniff her crate and her but then just walk away like she doesn't exist. as long as we keep the food separate everything should be fine.

in other news...boobah has sprouted 2 bottom teeth. and i must say (knock on wood) that she's doing quite nicely with them. mild discomfort it seems but she sleeps (god bless children's tylenol) through the night and naps solidly. we have playdates with some of the best women (and the best children) that i know. i am beyond lucky to have been able to find such wonderful girlfriends at this point in my life. i have my soulmates from college (yes a sorority girl at heart here) and allouicious from the 'tech. but i never thought id be lucky enough to find another batch of women who i can see myself being close friends with for the rest of my life...until i took the yoga class. halleluja!!

ok...off to organize, sanitize, and prioritize...then off to be weighed!! feeling optimistic today! cross your fingers for me!

Thirty Two

woke up - slept a little later thanks to my fabu hubby who got up with boobah
made chicken soup and blueberry bread for my friend who just had a baby
went to the gym - gotta love the ladies who wear full makeup, jewelery to the gym...oh and the people who have never before joined a gym who are so excited that there's a new gym in their neighborhood - they pick up every phamplet and flyer at the front desk...walk to the first treadmill they find - hang their purse on the handles of the treadmill..(because that'll be fun when it falls off - open - and all of their personal effects go flying down the fast rolling treamill belt) and proceed to stare blankly at the treadmill panel for 15 minutes - trying for the life of them to figure out how it works. (looking around to see if they can figure out by looking at someone else) then EUREKA! they miraculously get it moving...at 1.0 miles an hour...it's barely a saunter...let alone some kind of workout...but they're moving...and then they settle in (while wearing hot pink leggings...yes the kind with the super tight ankle...and a knee length sweatshirt - complete with sparkly puffy paint flowers all over it) while moving at a snails pace to thoroughly read top to bottom and side to side every piece of advertisement and aerobics schedule there is that they picked up when they came in...did i mention how much i love french braided mullets?
whole foods - a la Peoples Republic of Cambridge...gotta love it...right here around the corner from me...all the patchouli oil and herbal supplements i could ever ask for!!
old navy - performance fleece and $10 bathing suits...does it get any better than that?
dunkin donuts - a good morning - youa likea trya combo?
visit my friend who just had a baby - bring chicken soup and blueberry bread
tried to get boobah to nap-unsuccessfully - poor girl is teething - YEOWCH!
had friends over to celebrate bday...ate chicken and onion rings - got great gifts! MONEY and most importantly a Bloomies gift card...thanks to my fabulous and sassy friend Alouicious...oh she knows me all too well...these days if i have money i spend it on the kitchen or the house or the boobah...she knows that i'll spend the bloomies money on me!! YEAH!! and just for the record...im not breaking up my long standing love affair with M.A.C. i'm just playing around with the neutral world of Bobbie Brown...so dont worry my friend! the M.A.C. lover is still in me!!

xoxoxoxo

The Saleing Club

And no...I don't mean the SAILING club..as in Yachting at Bushwood Country Club...

Ok Pookie...

What I mean is Yard Salers...we had a yard sale on Saturday...and man...oh....man! i've never been to one and i've never had one. but i tell you...i cant wait to have the next one!!! all walks of life come saleing...some serious ones like the man wearing the "just looking" button on his jacket to the first timers, to the neighbors that come by to taunt you in jest, to the shady level 3 types who pull up in their blue, windowless van - keeping it running mind you who was eating a brownie at 9 am...kind of makes you wonder what kind of brownie it was...he had a giant beard like the unibomber and was wearing a quilted, flannel shirt and a black watch cap...complete with the tags still on it...SO SUPER SHADY!! and then there were all of the cheapies driving around in their lexus mini-vans looking for crap to buy just because it was cheap!! i mean...do you need more crap? but i got rid of my crap so that's all i care about!!!

we made about 100...so i was happy... and it was a fun, college like day hanging out with neighbors and friends. eating munchkins and drinking coffee, sitting in folding chairs, watching the scene while listening to classic rock, drinking at noon and ordering dominos delivery...

does it get better than that?

oh did i mention that boobah slept for most of it? she took 2 2.5 hour naps! SUCH A GOOD GIRL!!

The Lifeguard

swim was a great success today!! she didn't cry and really seemed to enjoy herself. we always go early so boobah can just relax and get settled. we watch the bluehairs finish up their water aerobics while listening to the beach boys. so as we're sitting there...the lifeguard looked over our way - surveying the pool - not us...and i see him smile and i look down and kendall has flashed him a HUGE tootless grin. i cracked up...thinking to myself 'my daughter is flirting with the lifeguard'! i just cracked up...she is too much sometimes!! gotta love her...

The Matriarch

ww went as i expected it to yesterday...i just had a heavy week...this week WILL be better...

after the meeting...we went to meet Dr. Matriarch for lunch...as we do almost every week. she's always obnoxiously early so when i pull up and i don't see her Caddy in the handicap spot (that she uses with her dead husband's handicap shield) i worry. i think...oh no she's fallen and she can't get up. or she's pulling another insurance fraud scheme. or she's taken off to vegas to buy a condo only to be heard from 4 times a year (in my dreams). but alas...it turns out that she just plain forgot about the boobah and me. so i sit there..and the hostess asks me where she is...because we go there weekly so the Doctah can order her broiled, chopped sirloin...done medium...hold the veggies - extra mashed potatoes and extra mushroom sauce on the side. oh and don't forget the bread...hot coffee with cream and water with lemon. (waitstaff hate her) so i call her and she says "im on my way back to the cape!" i say...ok..well im waiting for you at the restaurant! shes very apologetic but im still pissed. now i know everyone forgets stuff...and thats all fine and good. but my compassion for her has long since passed and i dont feel very forgiving.

the problem is that shes so narcistic that she can't possibly understand how much work it takes to get out of the house these days. and i dont mean to run up the street to cvs. i mean to get out of the house for hours at a time. so as i sit there in the entrance to the restaurant about to leave with boobah, the stroller, the food bag, the diaper bag, the portable highchair and me...i think...screw this...so i stayed and had a lovely lunch alone with my bubba. she says "i'll make it up to you" - translation...i'll buy you something so you'll know how much i love you...because in her head money=love.

well...duh! of course it does!! (good thing im not sarcastic) ;)

the way it was

i anxiously wait for boobah to wake up so that i can head to my WW meeting. only to hop on the scale and have my heart stop for that one brief second in the hopes that the woman behind the counter will look up at me and smile and say CONGRATULATIONS you've lost another X number of lbs!! you must have had a good week! but im feeling heavy today so i'm more counting on the following response "are your sunglasses heavy?" translation...maybe if you took them off of your head i could shave off a milli-tenth of a pound so you wouldn't feel like such a failure this week. because honey...you didn't lose anything. oh and by the way...i suggest you lay off the brownie sundaes...even if it was mother's day!

but i digress...

i feel guilty for most likely having to go up and wake the boobah so that i can make it to the meeting and weigh in on time...but ive got another 30 minutes or so before i have to do that and she's already been asleep for an hour. so i guess i won't feel that bad. i suppose it's not as bad as my mother. who would routinely pick me up from elementary school and plop me on a barstool at My Place - this seedy, dark, mostly-windowless establishment at 3 in the afternoon. i really didn't know any better. i just thought that all kids got to gorge themselves silly on all the Shirley Temples and potato sticks they could. but what did i know...i was only in the second grade!!

but then i think...hmmmm...WW meeting vs. dive bar...

its a clear choice...but alas...i still feel bad...i feel bad because it's doing something that i need to do for me...but i also overanalyze everything that involves her because i want it to all be great for her...and not be about me...but she the blue hairs go nuts over her as do the other moms that go to this meeting so she's still the bell of the ball ;)

leash laws

so as boobah sits here and chews on her Cheerios and these wooden letters that we originally bought for billydog's leash rack i think...does it get any better than this? as she babbles mamamamamamamamama...over and over and over...my heart just melts. last night was night 2 in her crib. she's been doing quite well - i dont think she really knows the difference b/c she's been napping in there for months anyway. the difference is...im sleeping through the night much better. i dont wake everytime she rolls over or scootches around. it's nice...really =)

in other news...the puppy party over the weekend was insane. 8 puppies from the rescue organization were here and all of them were mostly spoken for. they are so cute and i can't wait to have our new addition! we MUST be insane brining another helpless soul into the house but we figure...WHY NOT? it can't be any more chaotic around here...can it? ;)

her name will be Kate...Kate Spade to be exact...i wanted it to be Coco Chanel but that was nixed. my husband - albeit sensitive, fabulous, allowing...etc. had to put his foot down on that one...so Kate Spade it is...Katie, Katherine the Great...it'll all go great so we'll have Prince William and Katherine the Great...

Fashion Victim

and just for the record...

i'm highly offended by old school, high waisted, rolled up, dirty dancing style, denim shorts worn at the gym...most especially with white socks and large floppy sneakers...

DENIM SHORTS???? they are almost as offensive as overalls...

im not saying you have to be a fashionista to sweat it out...but c'mon now!!!!

that's today's fashion victim update...i see them everywhere...im surrounded by them...but that's what happens when you're a maven...

dog food eating baby

so who would have thought a 7 month old would eat dog food with such a feverous pitch!??? she was too cute and totally knew what she was up to.

you know that 'its too quiet' sound? where there's no sound at all? yeah...thats what i heard when i turned around to see her face hovering over bill's bowl with a mouth full of kibble! she had the biggest shit eating grin on her face as if to say "thanks for the snacks mom!!". so proud of herself! so as i laugh hysterically and walk towards her to stop her she grabs another handful and stuffs it in those hamster cheeks of hers! i mean honestly...how does a 7 month old know how to be defiant? so i pick her up and bring her to the sink so i can scoop the food out and she's giggling and im laughing wiping her mouth. just when i thought i got it all out...she pulls a piece from the back of her mouth...like a psych patient hiding their pills and starts chewing on it...again!! ahhahahahhah! oh she is too clever.

thankfully the boy didn't catch her or he would have given us his walking papers! there's a strict code of conduct and since there was no paperwork submitted regarding the 7 month old eating his food...we would have been in violation of the conduct code. and oh the trouble that would have ensued. it's bad enough that we're having a 'puppy party' here today to visit with his new potential sister and her other siblings. rain - rain go away!! the puppies want to romp in the yard today!!

ps - i dedicate this to my fabulous new mommy friend who inspired me from the moment i met her...